Halloween is a time for tricks and treats, and that includes a few laughs. Whether you want to include a witty caption for your gourd-geous Instagram photo or have a few jokes up your sleeve for trick or treaters, there are just too many spooky side-ticklers to choose from.
We’ve compiled an extensive list of the funniest puns, one-liners and knock-knock jokes for October that’ll help you put the “ha” in Halloween.
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Halloween witch jokes
- What happened to the badly behaved witch at school? She was ex-spelled.
- Why don’t witches wear flat caps? There’s no point in it.
- What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a billionaire? A very witch person.
- Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
- Why is a witch like a candle? They’re both wicked to the core.
- Have you seen the twin witches? I can’t tell witch is witch!
- What did the witch do when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked home.
- What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
- What do you call two witches in a haunted house? Broommates.
- What do you call a witch that lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
- What do you learn at witch school? Spelling.
- Why couldn’t the little witch read her spellbook? It was written in curse-ive.
- What does a witch like to read in the newspaper? Her horror scope.
- What sound do witches’ cereals make? Snap, cackle and pop.
- Have you heard about the poor witch who became a millionaire? It was a rags to witches story.
- How do witches play loud music? On their broom boxes.
- What does a little witch use to bake? An easy bake coven.
- What do you call a witch’s spotless garage? A broom closet.
- What do witches’ cats eat for breakfast? Mice crispies.
Halloween skeleton jokes
- Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
- How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.
- Why don’t skeletons play music at church? They don’t have any organs.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
- What type of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
- What do skeletons say before eating? Bone appetite.
- What instruments do skeletons play? Trom-bone.
- Why did the skeleton quit playing football? His heart wasn’t in it.
- What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend? Will you marrow me?
- Did you hear about the skeleton who went to the hospital? He ate a jawbreaker.
- What do you give a skeleton who is trick or treating? Spare ribs.
- Why don’t skeletons like to go out in the winter? The cold goes right through them.
- How does an angry skeleton confront his friend? I’ve got a bone to pick with you!
- Why did the skeleton climb a tree? A dog was after his bones.
- Why didn’t the skeleton use a towel after he took a shower? He was already bone dry.
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Halloween ghost jokes
- What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
- What did they say about the girl who married a ghost? I don’t know what possessed her!
- What did ghosts drink at the party? Ghoul-aid.
- Who protects the shores where spirits live? The Ghost Guard.
- Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn’t have a haunting license.
- Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite vacation spot? Lake Eerie.
- What medicine do ghosts take when they have a cold? Coffin drops.
- Why are ghosts cowards? They’ve got no guts.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite song? America the Boo-tiful.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite kind of street? A dead end.
- What do baby ghosts drink? Evaporated milk.
- Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to “The Other Side.”
- How do ghosts stay fit? They keep up with regular exorcise.
- Why aren’t ghosts popular at parties? They’re not much to look at.
- What is a little ghost’s favorite toy? Boo-merangs.
- What is a ghost’s favorite fairytale? Sleeping Boo-ty.
- What is one room you won’t find in a ghost’s house? A living room.
- Why did the ghost go to the doctor? To get a booster shot.
- What did the ghost say when it fell? I got a boo boo.
- What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Ma-scare-a.
- When do ghosts like to go trick or treating? In the moaning.
- How do ghosts do their makeup? They use vanishing cream.
- What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
- Where do baby ghosts go while their parents work? Day-scare.
- What is a ghost’s favorite ride? A roller ghost-er.
- How does a ghost sneeze? Ah, ah, ah BOO!
Halloween vampire jokes
- What kind of lock does Dracula have on his door? A dead bolt lock.
- What is a vampire’s favorite soup? Scream of tomato.
- What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
- Did you hear about the vampire who needed glasses? It was blind as a bat.
- Why did the vampire become an actor? He wanted a part he could really sink his teeth into.
- What is a vampire’s favorite candy? A sucker.
- Why did the vampire need mouthwash? He had bat breath.
- How do vampires flirt? They bat their eyes.
- What is a vampire’s favorite song? Another one bites the dust.
- What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
- Why are vampires like dentures? They come out at night.
- What is a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.
- Why are vampires easily fooled? They’re born suckers.
- Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.
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Halloween monster jokes
- What is a monster’s favorite snack food? Ghoul scout cookies.
- Where do werewolves buy their candy for trick or treaters? A were-house.
- How do monsters like their eggs? Terri-fried.
- Did you hear about the werewolf party? It was a howling success.
- What kind of vehicle does Frankenstein drive? A monster truck.
- What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music.
- Why doesn’t anyone tell mummy jokes? They get a bad wrap.
- What kind of coffee do mummies drink? De-coffin-ated.
- Why don’t mummies have hobbies? They’re too wrapped up in work.
- What is a mummy’s favorite rock band? The Grateful Dead.
- Why was the mummy sent to jail? He ran a pyramid scheme.
- What is the dead’s favorite card game? Gin Mummy.
- Where do monsters go for a hike? Death valley.
- What type of monster loves to dance? The boogeyman.
- What do you do with a green monster? Wait until it’s ripe.
- What do monsters eat with their sandwiches? Ghoulslaw.
- What is a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
Halloween Zombie jokes
- How do zombies serve their country? In the Marine Corpse.
- Who won the zombie war? Nobody, it was a dead tie!
- Why did the zombie cross the road? He wanted to eat the chicken?
- Where do zombies go on cruises? The Dead-iterranean Sea!
- Why did the zombie stop eating breakfast? He didn’t want to be a cereal killer
- Why did the zombie go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite
- How do zombies study for tests? They eat lots of brain food.
- What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman? Frostbite.
- What does it take to become a zombie? Dead-ication.
- What is black, white and dead all over? A zombie in a tuxedo.
- What is the safest place to be in a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
- What did the zombie say to his date? I love a woman with brains,
- How did the zombie greet his date? I’m dying to meet you.
- Why are zombies never arrested? They can never be taken alive.
- What is a zombie sleepover called? A mass grave.
- Why did the zombie eat an archer? It wanted the bone and marrow.
- What’s a zombie’s favorite type of bean? A human bean.
- What is a zombie’s favorite language? Latin, because it’s a dead language.
- What shampoo do zombies use? Head and shoulders?
- What is the worst animal to run into during a zombie apocalypse? A dead one,
- A lawyer, a doctor and a zombie walked into a bar. Three zombies walked out.
- What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
- Where do pumpkins hold meetings? In the gourdroom.
- How do pumpkins listen to music? On vine-yl.
- What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash.
- What do you call an athletic pumpkin? A jock-o-lantern.
- How do you repair a broken jack-o-lantern? Use a pumpkin patch.
- How do you use a pumpkin to summon ghosts? With a Ouija gourd.
- What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out!
- What’s a pumpkin’s favorite movie? Pulp Fiction.
- What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach? A life gourd.
- Who helped the pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
- Why was the jack-o-lantern so forgetful? Because he’s empty-headed!
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Other spooky jokes
- Why did the scarecrow fail as a standup comedian? All his jokes were corny.
- Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field.
- Who runs the haunted house for scarecrows? The first little pig.
- What kind of bear has no teeth? A gummy bear.
- What do you call a cow that can’t moo? A Milk Dud.
- What do you call two married spiders? The newly webs.
- Why do spiders make good baseball players? They know how to catch flies.
- What kind of TV would you find in a haunted house? A wide scream one.
- Why did they keep a fence around the graveyard? Because everyone was dying to get in.
- What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A candy baa.
- Who’s in charge of the candy corn? The kernel.
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Halloween knock knock jokes
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry! It’s almost Halloween.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Philip. Philip who? Philip my bag with Halloween candy!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Aida. Aida who? Aida lot of candy and now my tummy hurts.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Diane. Diane who? Diane to meet you!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Norway. Norway who? Norway I will leave until I get candy!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candy. Candy who? Candy cow jump over the moon?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eddie. Eddie who? Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say zombie?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candy. Candy who? Candy door open any slower?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al give you a Kit Kat for a Milky Way.